The Winter Season of Change: A Personal Reflection

Relocating to Seattle was one of the most impactful transitions of my life. The calendar showed me it was June, though in the seasonal cycle of change, I was in the dead of winter. I was burnt out after leaving a challenging leadership role, and uncertain about the future of a partner relationship. And I knew more about what I didn’t want than what would fill the emptiness I felt inside.

The following months were lean. I had a little bit of money saved, but worried about finding a job. I spent weeks not talking with anyone but the grocery store cashier. Like the leafless trees in winter, I felt as though I had lost my identity and I didn’t know how to find a new one.

After spending much of my life focused on fulfilling the needs of others, I began to explore what my own needs might be. I discovered that I loved bookstores. I took ferry rides across Puget Sound and soaked in the natural beauty that surrounded me. I journaled. I stayed up too late watching mindless television. I took comfort in the quiet companionship of my cat. Disconnected from almost everything in my former life, I had the opportunity to create a new one.

I’m not sure exactly when or how things began to shift for me. It was a series of small things that grew into a bigger change. Like new life returning in the spring, I reached out to a friend who had moved to Seattle. I joined the YMCA and went to fitness classes. I explored jobs that seemed interesting, and landed one! I made new friends. My newly created life was not perfect. I changed jobs again, and ended my partner relationship. But the time I spent in winter was invaluable. Leaning into the discomfort allowed me to connect with myself, find renewed energy, and gain clarity about what was important to me.

In our culture of constant change and perpetual motion, we rarely have the opportunity to disconnect and explore what is waiting to unfold. We often resist the change of seasons -from warm and sunny summer to endings in the fall and eventually to the darkness of winter. I have come to reluctantly welcome these times of uncertainty. They offer a reason to turn inward, to disconnect from the familiar, and become curious about what else is possible.

If you find yourself in the winter season of change, consider joining one of the women’s retreats Ailsa Kellam and I offer. There is time to disconnect, reflect, and envsion what comes next. Or, schedule a conversation with me to explore whether coaching would be a supportive resource for you.